I am thankful.

October 27, 2007

I am kind of bypassing Halloween.

I was reading a magazine and someone in it said that everyday before she even gets out of bed, she thinks of 5 things that she is grateful for. I decided to copy her. Plus, I love lists!

I am thankful…

1.  for the chilly fall weather because it reminds me of the holidays.

2.  that I could have grown up in a great family.

3.  to have been born at this time.

4.  for music.

5.  for funny things.

You can tell me what you are thankful for if you want.

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What’s the big idea?

October 24, 2007

I am so frustrated with myself.

I just arrived in California a couple of days ago. I have been visiting my sister in Arizona. I planned on getting a job right when I got here. I even corresponded with a couple people so that I could possibly have a job right away. I had an interview with See’s Candies yesterday and I thought it went well.

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But (classic Beth!), I froze up. There is something about having a job that always irks me. It’s not the “getting” of the job, it’s the “having” the job that freaks me out. I went into the interview, and as it progressed, I became more and more uneasy. I secretly wished that I wouldn’t get the position.

It has always been like this for me. A couple summers ago, I wanted to work at Bath & Body Works. I filled out the application, went in for the interview, and even followed up closely with the verdict. But, when I found out that I got the job, I freaked out. I worked there for a month and complained every minute of it. I can look back on it now with nostalgia, but that nostalgia doesn’t motivate me to find another job anytime soon.

I definitely need the job. The money would be good for multiple reasons, all of which I will not divulge.

I got a call from See’s this morning saying that they wanted me to work there. As soon as she said those words, I literally felt sick to my stomach. I mean literally. What is the matter with me???? UGH! I am so frustrated. Why can’t I be like every other red-blooded american and just be happy to be working?!

I compare myself with my older sister, Adri. Ever since we were in high school, we would interview together, we would both get the job, and then I would turn it down. Even now, Adri has been working as a dental assistant for the same office and she makes great money. I am so proud of her and I wish I had her commitment.

I think I would thrive better if I was self-employed. That does not seem like it will happen anytime soon. I know I need to work my way up. It is daunting.

Please don’t judge me. I am really insecure about this. I feel like a bum. And, I feel like I am letting certain people (like my parents) down. I feel like I am letting myself down.

I think I will feel more comfortable if I work for someone I know. I am just scared to have to prove myself to someone. It’s like being constantly judged by someone. I hate that.

I have a job lined up for the month of December that I know I will do because it is with someone I know. I am going to work at a Christmas tree lot. I am actually excited to work there because I am really good friends with the people who own it. Plus, what better way to get into the Christmas spirit than to work at a Christmas tree lot?

My dad is so cool.

October 10, 2007

When I was in second grade, my dad visited my class and read some books to me and my classmates. It was so cool and I loved every minute of it. I should probably mention that my dad is a voice actor, so he read the books in his cool cartoon voices. I just remember being so excited to show him off.

It has been thirteen years since he visited a class of mine or one of my brothers or sisters, so I forgot all about it.

This last weekend, he came to Arizona and visited my niece’s and nephew’s classes. I felt like a little kid all over again. I found myself eager to show him off to the eight and six year old kids. It was like I was a little kid all over again.

The kids were so cute. They would raise their hands with the most random comments like, “My sister plays the guitar” and my dad was so great about it. He would just let them talk.

The cool thing about my dad’s classroom visits is that he teaches the kids how to do funny voices on their own. He even teaches them how to make voices for inanimate objects. He picked up a popsicle stick and taught the kids how to create a voice for it. It was so funny. Then, I got up in front of the class and showed the kids a video on youtube where my dad does a voice.

He is the voice of the monster.

Here are some photos I took.

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Arizona

October 3, 2007

Usually, I try to write something that is somewhat intellectual, but today, I just thought I would write what is going on with me (and probably go off on a couple tangents).
The past month or so has been crazy and unexpected. At the very last minute, I decided to take fall semester off. It was just something I needed. Plus, I need to just work this semester. So, I sold my housing contract, made other appropriate arrangements, and headed for Arizona to stay with my sister and her family in Phoenix.

I have been here in Arizona for almost a month now. I am never happier than when I am with my family. To me, family = comfort.

Each morning, I wake up and go downstairs to see Maddie, Carson, and Skyler watching morning cartoons. Then, the 2 older kids go off to school and I get to stay home with Skyler and Rylie. Skyler has such a great personality. He is always putting on a show. And, baby Rylie is always growing and changing. She just started saying “dadadadada” and she is army crawling all over the place.

Madddie likes to write me letters and Carson likes to copy her. Here’s what some of the letters said (spelling and mechanical errors intentional):

You ROCK! Do you HAVE to LEAVE? I CAN’T wait for are fun thing tonight when Carson and Skyler go to bed early. Your neese, Madelyn

The Carson wrote:

dear Beth I am sorry because I am not gona do anything. fun like Madelyn. because I can’t think of angthing. you know why? because I just can’t. your nefew, Carson

I just love kids!

Besides hanging out with the kids, I have enjoyed spending time with my older sister. We talk all the time about everything. I have learned so much from her. I am always taking mental notes about what I want to do when I am a mother and she is such a great example. I always learn new things from her. She is an amazing mother and sister.

My mom is coming here tomorrow to pick me up and take me to CA. I so miss the crisp fall weather that does not come to Phoenix, so I am excited to get home and take walks and watch the trees change colors. I am excited to wear a sweater. I love the holiday season at home in CA. There is nothing like it.